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In a few hours, the Federal Reserve will weigh in on both the U.S. economy and recent financial market developments and, at this point, only one thing seems certain – they will acknowledge a weakening economy and a plunging stock market.

They will probably tip their hand at further easing in some form (lest today’s rebound rally quickly turn into a dead cat bounce), but fall well short of offering any explicit support, which, in the end might not be such a good idea because, as we saw almost exactly a year ago, financial markets require intervention like a drug addict needs drugs – just words just won’t do.

As detailed last month, the Fed’s options include fiddling with the “extended period” language to guarantee freakishly low interest rates for an even longer time, cutting the interest rate paid on banks’ excess reserves to spur them to lend money into a market where there is a dearth of credit-worthy borrowers who actually want to borrow money, buy longer dated bonds to fiddle with the yield curve, or provide guidance as to how many years (or decades) they intend to wait before reducing their multi-trillion dollar balance sheet.

Of course, what stock market investors really want to hear is that another round of money printing is in the works and that the number being bandied about is a 13-digit one, but, they’re not likely to hear that today.

As an aside, I don’t know about you, but, until this moment, I never thought of one trillion as being a 13-digit number, this apparently being another one of those 21st century oddities where dollar figures spiraling ever higher are no longer suited to 20th century expressions such as “an x-digit number”.

Anyway, they’re probably sitting around the big mahogany conference table right now asking at ten minute intervals,  “The Dow’s still up 200 points. Right?” so they can fine tune the policy statement to be released at 2:15 PM, not wanting to promise too much if markets don’t really need it.

They’ll soon find out that markets need everything the central bank has got and then some.

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Christina Romer Sums It Up

Appearing on Real Time with Bill Maher on Friday, shortly after the announcement that Standard & Poor’s had downgraded the U.S. credit rating, Christina Romer, former chair of the White House Council of Economic Advisers, reflected on our current condition.

I suppose this would just be funny rather than both funny and disturbing had Romer not uttered the line with a giggle in her belly and a twinkle in her eye. As it was, viewers were left with the impression that: a) she’s quite happy to be thousands of miles away from Washington, and b) we really are ‘Pretty Darn F**ked’.

Drunken Ben Bernanke

This story from The Onion – America’s Finest News Source – that details how Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke really feels about the U.S. economy has been popping up all over the place in recent days and, after Thursday’s stock market  bloodbath, it’s just a little bit funnier today.

Miller High Life and shots of whiskey apparently loosened Bernanke’s tongue and he let loose with a tirade on inept policy making by elected officials in Washington and was heard to say, “As long as we’re being honest, I might as well tell you that a truer estimate of the U.S. unemployment rate is actually up around 16 percent, with a 0.7 percent annual rate of economic growth if we’re lucky—if we’re lucky“.

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Clearly, it would be unreasonable to think that anyone with a nickname of Dr. Doom would be anything other than gloomy about our future and Dr. Marc Faber, author of the Gloom, Boom, and Doom newsletter, offers what you’d expect in this interview with CNBC.

Markets could rebound after Thursday’s global market sell-off, but investors should see any bounce as a selling opportunity, as the world economy rolls towards total collapse, Mark Faber, editor and publisher of the Boom, Doom and Gloom Report, told CNBC Friday.

A mooted third round of quantitative easing (QE3) in the U.S. and more money printing elsewhere is merely deferring a crisis that will be bigger and could end in war, Faber said.

“My view is that the market has experienced everywhere huge technical damage,” Faber said. “As of today, all markets are extremely oversold, so a rebound is going to happen (Friday) or on Monday, but the damage technically is so great that the rebound, no matter whether QE3 happens right here, it’s unlikely to lift markets above the May 2 high of the (S&P 500) at 1370.”

Faber thinks that by the end of the fall, the S&P 500 will have slid to around 1150, and investors will be hoping that further round of monetary easing will stabilize markets.

“In general, I would be using rebounds as a selling opportunity,” Faber said.

Faber predicts more money printing in response to recent developments and, then, a global financial collapse even bigger than the one in 2008 as all the problems temporarily forestalled by central bank and government largess finally come home to roost.

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The Labor Department reported that U.S. nonfarm payrolls rose 117,000 in July, the private sector adding 154,000 new jobs, and employment gains in May and June were revised upward by a combined 56,000. The jobless rate fell from 9.2 percent to 9.1 percent, however, this was largely the result of 193,000 people dropping out of the labor force.

State and local governments continued to shed jobs while the private sector added workers, private sector payrolls following up a gain of 99,000 in May and 80,000 in June with even more hiring last month. While federal government payrolls rose by 2,000 in July, state governments cut 23,000 positions and local government payrolls fell by 24,000.

The headline unemployment rate fell as a result of almost 200,000 workers leaving the labor force while the number of unemployed dropped by 156,000, the labor participation rate declining to a nearly 30-year low of just 58.1 percent.

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Well, That Was Fun

I don’t normally watch CNBC (unless Rick Santelli on YouTube counts), but I was downstairs tidying up a bit around the bar and flipped it on, only to find out that Maria was going commercial during Closing Bell. It only took an hour for the Dow to go from down 350 points to its close of 512 points down, and even Bob Pisani couldn’t think of anything positive to say. Here’s what it looked like by the time I got back to the office.

Yes, even gold went down today, the selling apparently a result of margin calls on everything else, a development that is frighteningly similar to late-2008. Tomorrow’s labor report better provide an upside surprise or two, or everyone’s summer vacation is going to be a little less fun, because that certainly was not fun today.

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